I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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