ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize