we made out on top of his cat.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
