btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
