So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
