i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
