At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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