Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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