Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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