I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
