I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
