She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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