new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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