I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
