Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
