Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
