I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
