Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
