i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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