Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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