You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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