Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
