Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
