Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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