PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
