We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
