we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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