3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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