shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
