Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
