looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
