I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
