he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
