i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
