Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
