It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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