I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
