why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
...so i touched it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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