yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I look better un-naked...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
