you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
