between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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