We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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