The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize