The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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