i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
