the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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