you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
