I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
