you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
