My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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