True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need to calm my uterus...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
