Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
