so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
