so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
