It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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