No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
