I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
