I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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