When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
third nipple confirmed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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