I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
