I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize