He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
