Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
