Me too!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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