When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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