i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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