There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
