so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
