A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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