i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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