This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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