i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
