i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I just put wine in my tea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
