Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
