I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
