just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
