I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
