Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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