You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
foreskin is a definite game changer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
