I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
