Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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