Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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