I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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