she was so not down for the gang bang
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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