it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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