We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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