oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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