im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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