he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dont even know how to be here
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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