Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
