they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
