Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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