well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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