I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
