It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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