i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
